July 21, 2009

• Thought For The Week 13 – What’s your life worth? Part 1

  Are you where you’re supposed to be? This is one of the questions that have had occasion to rummage through the recesses of my mind. The fact is that what I’m focused on at the moment, does not fit into the “normal” flow of society’s expectations, meaning that of my family and friends/associates.

  Additionally, my current focus involves a bit of sacrifice concerning some goals and the general direction that I thought I was headed in…the fulfillment of my purpose; the full manifestation of my most predominant gifts known to date, and my own expectations.

  So what’s going through my mind? Well, I admit, I was feeling some measure of despair. I was frustrated to some degree of the new load of additional work that one particular circumstance has now added to the already overloaded plate of my life.

  Because of this issue, I’ve had to make major dietary changes that affect my entire household. These changes require that I pretty much make everything, and I mean every thing from scratch. Salt has to be minimized as well as sugar, which includes any products made with corn syrup, sucrose, L-carnitine and especially aspartame, which gives people brain tumors and can result in strokes.

  These components are found in almost everything that is prepackaged. If it doesn’t have sugar, it has corn syrup and so forth. So the fact that I really don’t use much pre-packaged foods very much, didn’t really matter. Now I have to read the labels of every thing we consume, liquids included; and prevent the use of any product containing these ingredients for my son and myself.

  So I was frustrated with the amount of hand preparation I have to do for everything eaten in our home, and we cannot eat fast food any more for that matter for the same reasons. (The only thing I might get away with is BK…a whopper.) Now, this is a good thing, mind you, because it’s certainly much healthier, but with the days growing shorter and shorter, time has become more of a commodity. The time it takes for both preparation and clean up is considerable, but necessary. So despite the fact that I prefer this healthier way and lifestyle change, it is limiting the little time I already had available to focus on my calling.

  Additionally, I’ve had to increase my focus on my son because he needs me. I’m not complaining about that. He’s the most important thing in my life, so it’s not even in question that his needs supersede mine.

  After years of wondering…answers are now coming. There were signs and symptoms, but now there is confirmation of at least one thing. My son has a hereditary condition that I suspected to some degree, that he had. This explains the struggle he’s had in school, despite being so bright.

  There were signs and symptoms like I said. I already suspected he was gifted, because he tested a high level even in kindergarten; but he was struggling in school despite the intelligence I saw.

  Finally, God arranged the circumstance wherein I could finally get the answer. Despite the diagnosis, I felt a sense of relief, because I thought it was somehow my fault as his parent.

  So this discovery lead to many of the changes I mentioned earlier, because I’m determined not to medicate him. This sacrifice of my time and the dietary changes are working. Even academically, I’m seeing signs of improvement. Of course on all fronts, this is the result of giving up my time; days and weeks of this. So for once, I am looking forward to the start of the school year, so I can get a break.

  So there I was, feeling a bit frustrated that I could not find the time to write. I thought about the books still unwritten or incomplete and the volume of ideas that just keep coming.

  I thought about the issue that caused a major distraction for me last year; one which took about seven months to disengage and remove as an obstacle in my life. That distraction caused me to shelf the book I was working on, and I’m eager to get back to that.

  Again in church within the past week, the call went out to not just come and get fed, but to find somewhere to serve. And I thought, I was working on that, but now, when will I have the time?  I also realized that not having a job at the moment is rather convenient to the adjustments I’m having to make; which would not happen if I was working because I’d never have the time.

  I was feeling like I just couldn’t accomplish anything. I’ve been working on some goals for ten years, and I still feel like I can’t say much has been accomplished; or perhaps that I’m accomplished. So I was frustrated and feeling like my life was a waste.

  • 4:05 pm
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