I’ve been going through a lot of stress lately and for this reason, I have been unable to update weekly as you all are accustomed to me doing, so this one will be long.

Thing is, I am normally a cool cucumber; meaning that most things don’t stress me out. At least, it’s been a long time since I’ve allowed something to bother me to that point. I don’t worry about much of anything because I know without a doubt, that God’s got me.

However, this is not just any thing. This stress is over the most important thing…my son. Nothing else can worry me to the point of tears, or even anger me to that point, yet he can.

I realize that I’m looking at this from a human perspective, but I wonder about the emotional turmoil God the Father went through, knowing what would happen to his Son on this earth; seeing, through foresight and foreknowledge, what He was about to go through.

I mean, it’s not as if God does not have or express emotions and feelings. He is a person after all, just not in human form with flesh and blood.

And not that I’m trying to fit God into a human box, or place limits on Him in any way, but I wonder if one could quantify the pain God had to have experienced in withholding His forces and allowing the execution of His only Son, as “stress.”

I mean it is obvious that Jesus, Himself experienced some measure of “stress” in the garden of Gethsemane. He sweat droplets of blood. That is pretty high stress.

I’ve had high enough stress that precipitated a mass on my liver several years ago that doctors couldn’t explain. It was benign, but it caused me a lot of pain at the time whenever I suffered from high stress levels. I’m feeling that pain again, but sweating drops of blood?!? I can’t even imagine having stress on that level.

God saw everything His Son was experiencing on a human level, all the fear and the pain that He suffered, and in accordance with “the plan,” the Father’s hands were tied.

It’s one thing to have the ability to help and be unable; in this case due to His own integrity and plan to save us all. This was a necessary part of that plan, yet I’m sure it caused the Father a lot of pain.

It’s another thing to be utterly helpless in helping your child; not knowing what resources might be available or even how to access them.

When you have to question the sincerity and the words of people who have authority and knowledge of the law over the rights of those requesting services or resources; it becomes that much more difficult to know who you can trust to assist you, or how you can help your child.

But the Father has access to everything. He knew what would happen to his son. Isn’t funny how we still have the audacity to question God? Here, clearly, He could have stepped in and intervened, but He didn’t because He knew. He had a purpose in allowing it in the first place.

It is the same with us. Sometimes we pray and don’t feel like our prayers are being answered because we don’t see the manifestation of our request immediately. Yet God always has a purpose for allowing us to suffer.

As I write this, I am actually reminding myself that despite the fact that this situation I’m dealing with has been up on that extreme level of stress that can actually break me down; I am now remembering that God has a purpose and a plan for everything and everyone.

The frightening thing is to watch your kid going through a trial; and you, the parent are also put on trial trying to resolve the situation for your kid. The thing is, God is the only one with an aerial view. Our ground view is limited by shrubbery etc; especially with this sort of situation.

All this is reminding me of the fact that God is “I am,” so when you or I are faced with a difficult situation, we can call on “I am,” because He is the answer.

What we have to remember is:

1. He won’t necessarily give us our answer immediately, although He’s got an answer for us.
2. We may not know it or understand it, but He does have a purpose in our struggle.
3. Adverse situations cause us to grow closer to Him because pain and discomfort eventually cause us to seek Him. He is the answer, and if we are truly seeking answers, we will always turn (back) to Him.
4. It may be time for a level increase, which means a promotion is coming spiritually, economically, financially, or in some other area of our lives. It’s always darkest before the dawn.
5. Ultimately, it’s all about trust, and God is trying to teach you to trust Him on a different level. It’s always a test of your faith.

Apparently, I’ve been failing the test. I’ve been pretty torn apart about this situation. What I have discovered is that apparently, I trust God with everything else in my life, but my son.

I really think that this is the reason I’m so nonchalant about everything else; I don’t worry about the whole “economic” thing. Not to say that I don’t get somewhat annoyed when my money is not right, but I just don’t worry about it; I just adjust, albeit sometimes uncomfortably.

However, my son is so much closer to my heart. We are so close, it’s like our bodies are in tune with each other. For example, he was at school; I was at work; yet both of us had stomach discomfort that started that day with a headache, and ended with several trips to the restroom.

Despite the more angst ridden communication between us as he enters the teen years, he still wakes up within minutes of me waking up. He still can’t stand to be separated from me for more than a few hours or a day.

It’s far more comfortable; far easier to be nonchalant about the fact that I am confident in my provider. I know God’s got me, so it’s easy to look at things that happen to me personally, and not be concerned.

But with my son, who doesn’t know his purpose; who feels like no one likes him; who struggles with socialization and is withdrawn because he lacks confidence; I would love to be able to confidently say that I know that God’s got him the same way He’s got me, but I don’t know that for sure.

My son struggles to have enough faith to even maintain belief; to understand having a relationship with God; to understand how prayer works and how to get answers.

He is struggling in so many ways, and at the same time, has become defiant and defensive when he doesn’t understand the reason for something he’s being told, or for something happening.

Aside from this, he has additional needs that have to be addressed, and I am struggling to get help and find resources that don’t cost an arm and a leg. (More on this on my website).

So now, it’s come down to prayer. There’s only so much I can do, and I’m struggling through it. I’m neglecting everyone and everything else, and even my job was at risk at one point.

God has since restored that situation, and allowed me to get a promotion that will take effect next month, not only increasing my bottom line a little bit, but one which allows me to have a more flexible schedule-not having to work as many evenings. So I will be able to spend more time with my son.

However, I do have one request of those of my readers who believe in the power of prayer. My son needs to be motivated. I’ve grown tired of the catch phrase of the past few years…”I’m bored.” I need cost effective resources that will satisfy his need for fun, yet also help motivate him to fulfill his responsibilities.

I also need an answer and confirmation about utilizing a specific resource that I personally am not comfortable with; that I don’t find as healthy or natural, but that may help my son. Your prayers are greatly appreciated, as is your support.