January 11, 2008

• Depression, Discontent and Veiled Eyes

  Hi all,

  This week started out as you see in my title. I was not focused. I couldn’t see what I should be doing…where I was going…I just generally had no focus. I didn’t get in enough personal time with God…I didn’t get my devotional done every day, and I wasn’t able to do my study and I was hardly praying. I was distracted, but the distraction came in the form of hopeless thoughts.

  I honestly don’t know how or why I got into that mode. It just felt like I woke up Monday and there was the fog, and I just couldn’t see anything clearly. I can’t stand being in that place because it frustrates me, thus the discontent and the worse part is…I didn’t try to pray through it. It’s not that I was trying to look ahead…it was that I couldn’t see my purpose for that day, despite trying to focus on it, and this lack of focus spun into the next day and so on, until it got to a place of anger, offense and unforgiveness this week.

  But, God is faithful. While I was busy wallowing in my discontent and depression, the enemy attacked me twice with people who attacked my person, and what they presumed my race is, because I’m one of those mixes that people can’t figure out. They assume one thing, but there are “7″ things in my bloodline, so they are always wrong on any one general assumption. Actually, they attacked me because the enemy sent the attack. “Knock ‘em while their down,” is his motto, and in this case, it worked, where I’d normally blow it off and dismiss it.

  The actual manner of the offense does not need to be mentioned, nor the offenders, as they are forgiven, but I ashamed that I reacted in that manner and chose in my discontent and frustration, to take offense. So much so, that I followed through with what this person said to me, and filed a complaint with the organization he works for. So much so, that when he attempted to extend the olive branch of peace to me and apologize, I was still reacting with offense. I was still in this “exercising my rights” mode of “how dare he…say that to me?!”

  Thing is…his boss told me that he is not normally like that, and that he must have been having a bad day. Yeah, and I was having a bad week, but neither is an excuse for offending or taking offense, because both are a choice.

  And meanwhile, while I got all caught up in my self-righteousness…which actually surprizes me, because I haven’t been like that in a long time…and thought I had pretty much outgrown that attitude; God was still there; God was still being faithful; God was still dropping word on me to pull me out. All I had to do was receive.

  So now…I owe thanks to Him, but also to a few others. First of all…I have to thank myexodus23 for the post she had on her site about that story of faith in Africa for the hotwater bottle. It was the most simple and beautiful story of childlike faith, but it gives amazing insight to how God works by doing what Jessie Duplantis explained to me this morning…that “God speaks the future into the present.” His reference was Gen. 1. That was a serious revelation in accordance with what I had just seen on myexodus23‘s site.

  I just love that “Old Cajun Boy,” which is how Jessie Duplantis describes himself. He is great to listen to because not only does he demonstrate the joy of the Lord, but he’s just downright funny, and uses a lot of humor to explain the things of God. He was so on point today, and confirmed something that Dr. Myles Monroe has been preaching for years.

  He said that Jesus preached the Kingdom. Jesus didn’t preach himself, but He told us only that He was the doorway into the Kingdom, and that entry depends on faith in Him. Then He told and showed us how to live as Kings and Queens in the Kingdom, by ushering the Kingdom into this earth by our faith and the things we spoke into our lives.

  He said that living out the will of God on earth includes confession and that confession is vitally important because we must never lose sight of the importance of faith, which is evident and activated by our confessions. What we believe is what we speak out into the universe, so if change is what we seek, we have to speak it forth without doubt, and without speaking or agreeing to the doubt and disbelief from others.

  We can’t lose sight of the importance of faith, because faith gives you heavenly ways of thinking, talking and living. This means that you can’t live the way anyone else does or thinks. The way you live is due to the way you think and what you confess. So basically, if you want to change the way you live, you must first learn to think in heavenly ways by faith, and then by faith, confess those thoughts and conduct yourself as if it is already happening and in progress.

  He said that faith is the fabric of the garment of God! Confession is the engine of the word and is where the power of that engine comes from! This is how we become imitators of God, by our confession, because God spoke the world into existence (Gen. 1) and then…what Pastor John Hagee said the other day…God wrote down the vision. He wrote it down through the men He inspired into the book we study today, the bible. So therefore, we must write down the visions…our confessions…what we are believing in faith.

  It occurred to me that this blog is my testimonial confessions…reflecting what God already is and has shown me. But I need to have a separate journal of faith…of what I’m confessing into my future, which God will bring into my present. This journal does not need to be online, because not every thing is for everyone.

  Sometimes when you let other people know what you are confessing in faith for, or what your visions are, they speak their negative thinking into it, because they don’t want to see you surpass them, or succeed, or they don’t want you to move up because they aren’t moving up and out in faith themselves. Not that I believe this about any of my brothers or sisters here in xangaland, but this is public and worldwide, so that journal will be kept at home and private.

  At any rate, when we write down the visions and our confessions…what we are believing for in faith; this results in blessing on blessings. Blessing is different from blessings. Blessing on blessings refers to the ability (blessing) to obtain/get the increase (blessings). Jessie gave Prov 20:11 which says: Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right.

  The world wants to break our childlike faith and distort that which is good. Jessie said that the enemy doesn’t operate by faith, but by the flesh, therefore, he doesn’t know what to do, unless we tell him while/by walking in our flesh.

  What a revelation! I was so blessed by all of that, and I asked God to forgive me, and my focus has returned. I also have to go and apologize to that man for taking offense at what he said, as we were both off our game that day; and for failing to extend forgiveness when he attempted to apologize. I should have extended it before he attempted any apology. 

  What was my response when he attempted to apologize? He said, “Are we gonna be friends again?” and I said, “That depends…will your attitude be any different?” Ouch! Not pretty. My attitude was the one that needed an adjustment. Praise God for His word that pulls us out when we are in a place of darkness and just can’t see what we are really doing. I’m grateful that God is a God of mercy and second chances, and that He’s the living example of forgiveness. I thank God for restoration. Peace and blessings.
  

  • 10:49 am
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