I find this to be an almost funny thing, because of what I see going on around me, and because I know that God’s got a sense of humor. I don’t mean that there’s anything funny or fun about struggling. After all, I just went through some heavy rainfall myself.

However, what is funny is when I start admitting my shortcomings; when I start talking about my failures; God starts pulling rabbits out of hats all of a sudden.

For instance, I said that I usually don’t let much of anything phase me. I don’t freak out over much, and basically, I tend to be fairly nonchalant about most things people get upset about. I don’t tend to take too much too seriously, but there are a handful of exceptions.

So here I am, going through one of the worse bouts of “hell” I can remember, and at the same time, I get a reality check in the area of my finances, and a fee that exceeds $100 at my bank.

I was just disgusted that this had occurred; more mad at myself than anything, because the miscalculation was my own fault. I was just too tied up in my son’s situation to pay rapt attention to every little expenditure. In times such as we are now in, such carelessness is not beneficial and can really set one back.

Needless to say, I was really annoyed when I saw this issue in my bank account, but it didn’t last long because my focus was elsewhere. I just resigned myself to the fact that I was going to be in a hole for the week.

Yet, when I wrote last week’s TFTW, admitting that I trust God with everything in my life but my son; and meaning that I trust God more with everything else; suddenly I get a check in the mail for $20, and two electronic deposits credited to my account. The total amount of these deposits?

Remember the amount I lost was exactly $105. The amount credited to my account was $103. The amazing thing about it? I had no idea where any of this money came from at first, so it was quite the surprise to discover this money. But the point was, the money arrived from unexpected sources from which there was no guarantee of anything arriving.

Yet in a matter of 1 day, nay, a few hours, it was almost all restored in my account. Praise God.

I’ve been going through a lot of stress lately and for this reason, I have been unable to update weekly as you all are accustomed to me doing, so this one will be long.

Thing is, I am normally a cool cucumber; meaning that most things don’t stress me out. At least, it’s been a long time since I’ve allowed something to bother me to that point. I don’t worry about much of anything because I know without a doubt, that God’s got me.

However, this is not just any thing. This stress is over the most important thing…my son. Nothing else can worry me to the point of tears, or even anger me to that point, yet he can.

I realize that I’m looking at this from a human perspective, but I wonder about the emotional turmoil God the Father went through, knowing what would happen to his Son on this earth; seeing, through foresight and foreknowledge, what He was about to go through.

I mean, it’s not as if God does not have or express emotions and feelings. He is a person after all, just not in human form with flesh and blood.

And not that I’m trying to fit God into a human box, or place limits on Him in any way, but I wonder if one could quantify the pain God had to have experienced in withholding His forces and allowing the execution of His only Son, as “stress.”

I mean it is obvious that Jesus, Himself experienced some measure of “stress” in the garden of Gethsemane. He sweat droplets of blood. That is pretty high stress.

I’ve had high enough stress that precipitated a mass on my liver several years ago that doctors couldn’t explain. It was benign, but it caused me a lot of pain at the time whenever I suffered from high stress levels. I’m feeling that pain again, but sweating drops of blood?!? I can’t even imagine having stress on that level.

God saw everything His Son was experiencing on a human level, all the fear and the pain that He suffered, and in accordance with “the plan,” the Father’s hands were tied.

It’s one thing to have the ability to help and be unable; in this case due to His own integrity and plan to save us all. This was a necessary part of that plan, yet I’m sure it caused the Father a lot of pain.

It’s another thing to be utterly helpless in helping your child; not knowing what resources might be available or even how to access them.

When you have to question the sincerity and the words of people who have authority and knowledge of the law over the rights of those requesting services or resources; it becomes that much more difficult to know who you can trust to assist you, or how you can help your child.

But the Father has access to everything. He knew what would happen to his son. Isn’t funny how we still have the audacity to question God? Here, clearly, He could have stepped in and intervened, but He didn’t because He knew. He had a purpose in allowing it in the first place.

It is the same with us. Sometimes we pray and don’t feel like our prayers are being answered because we don’t see the manifestation of our request immediately. Yet God always has a purpose for allowing us to suffer.

As I write this, I am actually reminding myself that despite the fact that this situation I’m dealing with has been up on that extreme level of stress that can actually break me down; I am now remembering that God has a purpose and a plan for everything and everyone.

The frightening thing is to watch your kid going through a trial; and you, the parent are also put on trial trying to resolve the situation for your kid. The thing is, God is the only one with an aerial view. Our ground view is limited by shrubbery etc; especially with this sort of situation.

All this is reminding me of the fact that God is “I am,” so when you or I are faced with a difficult situation, we can call on “I am,” because He is the answer.

What we have to remember is:

1. He won’t necessarily give us our answer immediately, although He’s got an answer for us.
2. We may not know it or understand it, but He does have a purpose in our struggle.
3. Adverse situations cause us to grow closer to Him because pain and discomfort eventually cause us to seek Him. He is the answer, and if we are truly seeking answers, we will always turn (back) to Him.
4. It may be time for a level increase, which means a promotion is coming spiritually, economically, financially, or in some other area of our lives. It’s always darkest before the dawn.
5. Ultimately, it’s all about trust, and God is trying to teach you to trust Him on a different level. It’s always a test of your faith.

Apparently, I’ve been failing the test. I’ve been pretty torn apart about this situation. What I have discovered is that apparently, I trust God with everything else in my life, but my son.

I really think that this is the reason I’m so nonchalant about everything else; I don’t worry about the whole “economic” thing. Not to say that I don’t get somewhat annoyed when my money is not right, but I just don’t worry about it; I just adjust, albeit sometimes uncomfortably.

However, my son is so much closer to my heart. We are so close, it’s like our bodies are in tune with each other. For example, he was at school; I was at work; yet both of us had stomach discomfort that started that day with a headache, and ended with several trips to the restroom.

Despite the more angst ridden communication between us as he enters the teen years, he still wakes up within minutes of me waking up. He still can’t stand to be separated from me for more than a few hours or a day.

It’s far more comfortable; far easier to be nonchalant about the fact that I am confident in my provider. I know God’s got me, so it’s easy to look at things that happen to me personally, and not be concerned.

But with my son, who doesn’t know his purpose; who feels like no one likes him; who struggles with socialization and is withdrawn because he lacks confidence; I would love to be able to confidently say that I know that God’s got him the same way He’s got me, but I don’t know that for sure.

My son struggles to have enough faith to even maintain belief; to understand having a relationship with God; to understand how prayer works and how to get answers.

He is struggling in so many ways, and at the same time, has become defiant and defensive when he doesn’t understand the reason for something he’s being told, or for something happening.

Aside from this, he has additional needs that have to be addressed, and I am struggling to get help and find resources that don’t cost an arm and a leg. (More on this on my website).

So now, it’s come down to prayer. There’s only so much I can do, and I’m struggling through it. I’m neglecting everyone and everything else, and even my job was at risk at one point.

God has since restored that situation, and allowed me to get a promotion that will take effect next month, not only increasing my bottom line a little bit, but one which allows me to have a more flexible schedule-not having to work as many evenings. So I will be able to spend more time with my son.

However, I do have one request of those of my readers who believe in the power of prayer. My son needs to be motivated. I’ve grown tired of the catch phrase of the past few years…”I’m bored.” I need cost effective resources that will satisfy his need for fun, yet also help motivate him to fulfill his responsibilities.

I also need an answer and confirmation about utilizing a specific resource that I personally am not comfortable with; that I don’t find as healthy or natural, but that may help my son. Your prayers are greatly appreciated, as is your support.

First, let me thank all of my readers who kept coming back during the last month. I’ve been going through some changes, and it has interfered with my ability to write here and communicate elsewhere online as well. Let me clarify. It has not affected my ability, but it has affected my time as well as my peace of mind to some degree.

The only thing in my life that could demand that much of my attention; the only concern that could disrupt my life and/or peace is my son. Nothing else bothers me. Nothing else would cause me to even consider worrying about it, because I know that God’s got me. And it’s not like I don’t trust God with regard to my son. Quite the opposite is true. However, this is just one of those things where I am just too close to the person and situation, not to be affected.

The Prodigal Son Returns

Luk 15:14 And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want.
Luk 15:15 And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine.
Luk 15:16 And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him.
Luk 15:17 And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father’s have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger!
Luk 15:18 I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee,
Luk 15:19 And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants.
Luk 15:20 And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.
Luk 15:21 And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.
Luk 15:22 But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put [it] on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on [his] feet:
Luk 15:23 And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill [it]; and let us eat, and be merry:
Luk 15:24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.

Obviously, I do see some comparisons in my son and the son of this parable. Now, to be sure, my son has not spent an inheritance on riotous living. However, there are areas in which he has “spent” opportunities afforded to him by making some impulsive choices.

Teenagers tend to be somewhat impulsive, but in my son’s case, it may be something that he cannot directly control. So I am in a period of discovery right now, trying to get an accurate assessment of what exactly is going on with my child.

In the interim of my discovery of both legal and medical information, my son has been away. I was blessed to get him into a program called Outward Bound, which he had to volunteer for, and/or agree to go. This program helps teens that are struggling with different issues.

I’m hoping that despite missing me fiercely, he did take advantage of the opportunity afforded for him in this program, which was free for 21 days. Like the prodigal, he’s joined himself to a citizen of a “foreign country”, in the form of his counselors out there, and in being out in the Keys camping and canoeing in this cool weather we’ve been having.

He’s in a state of want because of the famine of my presence. The fact that I’m not there with him, and this is the longest period of time we’ve ever been separated, has been hard on him.

It took the experience of getting dirty; it took some measure of extremes, like having to root around among pigs looking to be fed for the prodigal to come to his senses. It took this low point of separation from his father and all that was familiar to him, for him to appreciate it, and accept some accountability for his poor decisions.

Likewise, part of the training that my son is getting involves accountability and responsibility. Yes, he’s out there for three weeks with 10 other boys, and no showers, so in essence, they are probably smelling like pigs, or worse, although I must say that the cool weather has probably been beneficial in lessening the effects of the hygiene issue.

Now, he’s at the point where he has to rise and come back to me. He has to take the skills he’s learned out there, like teamwork and so forth, and utilize them to get back to the main road from the Gulf of Mexico, through the Everglades. In order to get back to me, he has to work with his teammates, because they can’t get back to their families if they don’t find their way back to the pickup point.

I’ve been to 2 of the parent meetings, and I have been doing my homework, in an effort to make the home environment more conducive to the principles he’s learning, so that he can continue to move forward in them when he returns.

Making these changes and doing this homework has been quite stressful, because there’s so much I need to do both at home, getting his school straight, as well as other services he may need to properly assist him in moving forward.

Nevertheless, like the prodigal’s father, I welcome him home with open arms, holding nothing in the past against him. I am ready to celebrate because he succeeded in getting through this program, when it didn’t appear, at first report, that he’d make it through.

So I am happy, because he has succeeded in this; whether or not he achieved every objective. The fact that he made it all the way through 21 days without me is pretty major for him, because we are so close, and he barely made it through 1 week away from me in scouts 3 years ago.

I am so thankful to God that he had this opportunity; that he’s learned some new things, and most of all, for all the new information I have learned, which is actually solving some riddles and questions from the past as well as present. It took some seemingly unfavorable incidents to begin the flow of information, understanding and assistance, but I’m thinking now that it was worth it.

Because of those situations, which stressed me out so much before; my understanding has increased and I am enabled to parent better, and help my son to see himself succeeding. It has allowed me to see a way to give my son hope about himself and his future.