September 19, 2009
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Thought For The Week 22
God showed me something I didn’t know about myself, recently . I had made this dumb comment to my friend about another friend who had met the man of her dreams right out of high school. She knew immediately that he was her soul mate. She’s been married to this same man for 20 years now.
My comment, in explaining how she met her husband, was to say, “Well, that’s the kind of thing that happens to people like her.” It was an off-handed, stupid comment of envy and insecurity. Thing is, I love this friend so much and missed her when we lost contact for a while, so its not about her at all. Its about me.
I also remembered this beautiful girl with long, red hair, that I knew in middle school. She and her mother were the exact same size and they were like each other’s best friend. They shared everything, wore each other’s clothes, and went shopping together just like girlfriends.
I always wanted that sort of relationship with my mom, but it never happened. Nevertheless, I never considered that what appeared to be so picture perfect on the outside with her mother, could have actually been mud and worms on the inside. Even if it wasn’t, I was happy if her relationship with her mom actually was as perfect as it seemed. The issue was not them having what looked ideal. The issue was my belief that such an ideal picture could never be a reality in my life, because it was only for certain “types” of people.When this realization hit me, I cried. I cried because I realized that due to my current testimonies (which are many, despite the fact that I always used to say I had no testimony), there are probably people who view my life and situation with the same envy as I had viewed that one aspect of theirs. There are people now, who consider me to be one of those certain “types” of people who everything falls into place for too, because of my testimonies of God’s blessings in my life.
What hurt me even more, was when God opened my eyes to get me to realize that when I see myself as so small and insignificant that I have to envy someone else’s blessings, I am casting stones at Him, because I am forgetting about all the blessings He has bestowed upon me, and in the process, I’m taking Him for granted.
When I envy another’s blessings, I deny that God crafted me perfectly, because I think or speak from an insecurity which doesn’t believe that God has designs and plans for me as to what situations and events He will allow into my life. When I allow insecurity to rule me, I deny that God’s plans are perfect and designed for the perfecting of my soul. Of course, once this realization hit home, I had to apologize to God for harboring those envious thoughts for God knows how long.
I have nothing to complain about. The turmoil of my youthful relationship with my mother bore the fruit of a good relationship today. My bad choices and marriage gave me the child I longed for since the age of 16, and brought me closer in relationship with the Lord. I have no regrets about any of that, so I’m glad that God shed light on that off-handed comment. I am too blessed to ever take anything for granted.
