I am interrupting my study for a moment. Just want to drop some insights that have been coming lately. Usually, when I do this…I’m writing about several things over a period of about 1-2 weeks, so no doubt….this will be lengthy post, but it may be worth your while.
Of course, everyone is feeling the economic pinch these days…and probably none more than the unemployed like me. So, for reasons too in depth to delve into at the moment…my claim is being investigated and the checks just stopped. So since the beginning of Jan., I’ve had to wait for 4 weeks to see if they approve the claim. Then, if they don’t…I have to appeal the decision, which takes another 45 days to process before I get a final answer.
Course…it’s a God test…proving again. My initial reaction was calm. I mean, when I discovered that for the second time…checks did not arrive; while my situation started looking pretty desperate, I was calm at first. But over a few days…the build up of thoughts analyzing my situation (how would the bills get paid while food was running scarce in the refrigerator?) put me into a state of worry and stress.
Little did I realize exactly how much fear was creeping upon me. It was easing in…creeping into my subconscious and slowly infiltrating and taking over my conscious mind, but I wasn’t aware of it.
So I go see Gail…my sister in Christ – my eyes and my shield; and what does she have sitting on her table, but this book which, moments later she realized God had her purchase for me: “Who switched off my brain?” So she tells me…just look at chapter six…it tells you how to detox your mind. Well, I start for chapter six…but I’m really curious about this book in general, so instead, I go to chapter one and start reading.
Man! I was blown away! For those that don’t know…if I’ve never mentioned it out here…God talks to me sometimes through trees. I’m into textures…forms…maybe it’s the artist in me, I don’t know. But I like how certain rocks or stones look and feel. I like the look and texture of some trees…even down to the leaves. But I see spiritual things in trees sometimes, just like Gail sees them in numbers and pennies.
So by this time, the subconscious had worked things into my body, and my right side started hurting again. This hasn’t happened since I left my ex back in 1999…at least, not consistently for more than a few hours. (That was a hellish year…and my son was just 2 at the time…a story for another time.) This time it’s been more than a week of pain and discomfort.
When it happened then…I had insurance and the doctors found a mass…a cluster of unidentifiable cells in my liver. They biopsied it and found it to be benign, but could not identify it…other than a cluster of cells.
In the subsequent years, this “mass” seemed to be agitated when I was under extreme stress. I even went to a spirit-filled doctor I know…who is a chiropractor as well as a chemical specialist. He can see what’s wrong with you by the spirit and if you are receptive, he gives you scriptures as a treatment. It does work – the scripture thing. I’ve already been healed by him in that manner, but he also built a laser and was treating all sorts of disease with light via this laser, so I had him treat my liver to get rid of the mass. This was about 2-3 years ago.
Since then, haven’t really had any pain, but suddenly…there it is again. And here I am, sitting at Gail’s reading a book that is connecting the dots. You see, I have long been reading and researching things about nutrition. It’s probably been about 10-15 years. I had known that there were problems with my system, but all the different things I found to explain it did not answer everything…until I found the connection with the liver.
That was the missing link I needed and I found it about 5-7 years ago, before the mass was discovered. God was connecting the dots for me, and He still is. And what does this book tell me? What does it confirm?
Two years ago, the spiritual doc referred me to an acupuncturist due to a slip and fall injury and circulatory issue in the damaged leg. While in treatment with this doctor, I had been in search of information that connected the mind with the body, but I couldn’t find it, even delving into complicated medical reports and studies.
But I knew there was a connection. I mentioned it one day to another doctor that was filling in for my acupuncturist due to an obligation he had. This younger Jewish acupuncturist answered my question by telling me about the five elements chart, which shows what emotions are connected to what organs and systems in the body. I looked it up online and found oodles of info on it.
I was elated, and got more clarity from that, but the book at Gail’s went way beyond that information. This book showed the direct correlation of thoughts affecting emotions, and emotions affecting the body. This book showed trees in the mind! And…it was written by a Christian doctor so of course…it is speaking volumes to me, because it is correlating Christian principles in the explanation.
I start to realize the vast damage that negative emotions cause. They take up 2-3 times more space in your brain’s memory than positive ones do. In addition, I figured out the source behind the negative emotions, and the cause of that source.
It’s fear. Anger, frustration, stress, anxiety, anguish…all of these emotions are the direct result of fear. It’s crippling. Then God showed me the cause of the fear. It’s one of two things. It’s fear of no acceptance otherwise known as rejection; or its fear of loss on some level.
Then I realized that it was the second of the two that was bothering me. I looked around my place and started asking questions. What is it here that I fear losing? Well, I had no fear of losing God or my son, and I wouldn’t want to let go of my babies (2 cats) but outside of that…there wasn’t anything specific that I would suffer greatly at losing. I would want to have my family photos, but everything else was replaceable.
So it’s nothing in my house. I realized that without that income, I would lose the ability to take care of my house…meet the bills, possibly keep a roof over our heads…but even that thought wasn’t as disturbing as before when I hadn’t analyzed it. I’ve camped and loved it. We have the equipment to do so…so no problem.
It was loss of control…of what was familiar…what is the norm for us. And God said to me…“If you had a husband…the man you’ve been waiting for; and he was responsible, trustworthy, and a spirit-filled man of God…if that man said to you, “Baby, don’t worry, I’ve got this…I’ll take care of it,” how would you react?”
I said, “I’d be relaxed. I wouldn’t worry.” Then God said, “That’s how you should be with me…not analyzing the situation, because I’ve got it. I’m your husband until I provide your earthly husband…and I will take care of it.”
So finally…I’m breathing again. I’m learning to take long deep breaths and focus on Him, and praise Him for what I cannot see that He’s taking care of…and the pain is slowly dissipating. And He had been taking care of it. People have given me cash, food and paid for gas for my car. The income tax refund is on the way as well, so my stress is dissipating because I’m training my mind not to focus on fear-filled thoughts due to this new knowledge of the damaging effects of those thoughts.
My son told me yesterday morning about a dream he had in November, which he claims he already told me. I knew he never told me this dream…at least not in the entirety in which he told me today.
In his dream, he said a meteor hit the earth, and everything around our house, outside our gate burned up. There was nothing left…just us. He said a black cat crossed in front of him in our yard, and it had shields in its eyes, and it told him, “I came to protect you from what you see happening around you. What you see now is a vision of what may come.” Then he said he saw shields all around the property where our house was, and we were safe.
I started to say, “Why didn’t you explain all of this to me back in November?” But then I caught myself and told him, “No…God’s timing is always perfect. He wanted me to hear that now.” Of course, I did have to explain to him that the cat was merely a vessel that God spoke to him through…one he would understand and receive.
There’s another thing that’s made me happy; a very unexpected surprise. A friend of mine…that I’ve known for about 2-3 years casually…invited my son and I to dinner at his house with him and his daughter. It was lovely…good food and great company.
I honestly didn’t realize, when he called, that it was to be just us. I thought others would be there…like it was a get together with friends, so I went in very casual garb. I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was really about just us.
Now, as you saw above…my son carries a bit of my gifting. I’m a dreamer and he seems to have inherited that gift too. I happened to mention my dream gift to my friend in the midst of our conversation, and he asked me, “Have you had any dreams about me?”
The question rattled me, because no one that knows of my gift has ever asked me that before. It may not seem significant to people who don’t communicate with God via this sort of gift, but to one who does…it’s very significant. My stunned response at that moment was, “Uh…not that I’m aware of at this moment.”
However, God works with me in 20 year timeframes. I think I’m in year 20, if I’ve calculated correctly; which seems to indicate the completion of a cycle. I thought about everything in our conversation, particularly that question, and I started thinking about the dreams and vision for this particular time period.
Since he asked the question, I’ve had to start examining those dreams and the vision; and I think that if he were to ask me that question again…my answer might be different. The actual answer might be hidden in the symbols or items or even timeframes in the environment of the dreams. Anything is possible…and if I just wait on God…He will reveal all I need to know.
The other thing it’s made me question though…is what does one do when such a cycle ends? You see…I was not aware of these cycles when the first one ended, so I don’t recall what became different in my life, with exception to…the dreams and the methodology of Satan’s attacks. That, I can see in hindsight, did change, just as my relationship with God changed in that timeframe as well.
But outside of that…it’s my actual life I’m wondering about. I mean, when you’ve been waiting 20 years for the fulfillment of a promise from God…how does one act when it happens?
And what DVD did I watch yesterday…The pursuit of happyness…with Will Smith. He did have a time period of struggle to get where he was predestined to go. I mean…the only thing I can think of…that one might do at the completion of a dream is…cry. Be happy and cry. That’s what Will did in the movie, and he didn’t wait 20 years. Anyone got an opinion on that?
So yesterday morning, we got out of bed and decided to go to the church for some exercise. I was going to walk around the grounds, which probably encompass at a minimum, 1-2 miles in circumference. He was going to skate.
When we got there and I started walking, I noticed not only the foliage and trees so beautifully cared for on the property, but also, that there were a lot of people on the fields in the west side of the property. They had soccer leagues playing games.
So I walked and came back around, heading back to the east parking lot. It was here that I noticed a grate on the ground next to the building. It was there, I guess, to catch water overflow from the buildings when it rained.
What caught my attention? A tree was growing out of the grate. I was looking to see where the trunk was…thinking it was immersed in the water at the bottom, but it wasn’t. I couldn’t find the base for a few minutes, and then I saw it. There was a large pipe coming out of the side of the concrete, and this trunk was attached to the side of the pipe.
It was the strangest thing. There was a minute amount of dirt there on the side of the pipe; probably residual dirt that had fallen on top of it due to the rains, but certainly not enough to support a tree.
While I marveled at this, God spoke to me again and said, “Grow where you are planted.” That blew me away, and I realized that the seed that fell down in that drain and found that tiny patch of dirt, started doing just that. They say that when you are truly seeking, you will find the source that will feed you…you will find God wherever you are. When you are truly determined…you’ll find a way.
That little seed did just that. It started growing in a difficult situation…in an environment that really wasn’t made for it…in extremely shallow ground, but it must have found a crack in the side where the cement and the pipe came together.
Its roots found an opening in a foreign environment…and dug in. It burrowed through till it found a place that was more suitable for it to get fed. As a result of that determination…leaves are coming up through a grate in the ground as this tree grows.
It’s like a two dimensional plane. What appears to be nothing…to be meaningless to some on one (upper) level is the place to be planting roots. The place that looks like it’s fantastic to some and looks like the best place to be planted can really be small and shallow, and not a place for rooting to occur.
So this of course, brought me back to that DVD I saw with Will Smith. It was a great film and definitely illustrated the power of determination. This tree in the grate also showed me that you have to be content with your circumstances, and wait with the expectation that God is going to do the unusual…He will do so much with so little.
If we just praise him from where we are, no matter how uncomfortable the situation or environment may seem…He can take that and turn it into blessings for us and lift us up…outside the “grates” that hold us down. As long as we seek His light…it will happen. Peace and blessings.
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